Fear Isn't Final
by ProLazy
Summary: Prompt: Dean is Castiel's new history teacher. He's very laid-back and understanding, yet Castiel can't help but feel intimidated by him. Rated for Anxiety. NOT romantic/sexual relationship.
**This is based on a Tumblr post which unfortunately I don't know how to link here. This story is basically based on a true story.**

* * *

Castiel heard the whispers amongst the other students as they waited for the history class to begin, but he wasn't sure which ones to believe.

"Yeah, Mr Singer retired! We're getting a new guy."

"I heard he doesn't even look that much older than us."

"Really? Is he hot?"

"Well I heard that he put this girl in detention just because she insulted his tie."

"And that all he has to do is glare at you and can feel him stealing your soul."

"What? That can't be true, you big dork!"

"Why not? We all know Mr Roman is some kind of demon-"

All chatter stopped when the classroom door burst open; Castiel nearly jumped out of his seat.

A young man who could only have been in his early twenties strode purposefully into the room. He certainly didn't look like a teacher. He was dressed in a blue t-shirt under a leather jacket, and jeans accompanied with lace up boots. His green eyes were certainly piercing, but they didn't appear cruel, and if anything the freckles which dotted his complexion added to the innocence of his appearance.

Yet Castiel couldn't help but be intimidated.

"Alright guys." He spoke in a somewhat gruff drawl as he shrugged off his jacket and placed it on the back of the chair. "None of this Mr Winchester crap that it says on your timetables. You can call me Dean; despite what you may think I'm not old yet."

"Shouldn't you be in this class rather than teaching it?" One of the boys at the back piped up.

"I'm going to take that as a compliment on my dashing and youthful good looks" Dean replied with a goofy smirk before turning to the board and picking up a chalk.

Castiel saw the girls out the corner of his eyes giggling to each other as they stared fondly at Dean's behind.

"Okay, this semester I want us to focus on the portrayal and role of women in history starting with witches in the sixteenth century."

"Will we get to learn some of the spells they used?" One of the girls asked, fluttering her eyelashes at Dean. "Like...love spells?"

"Oh, you don't want mess with that stuff" Dean said. "Trust me" he added with a mumble as he turned back to the board. "Let's start with reasons why women were accused of witchcraft. How about you?" He said indicating to Castiel.

Castiel blinked feverishly. This wasn't how it was supposed to work; he was supposed to put his hand up. He knew an answer but he couldn't seem to find the words. He felt Dean's gaze digging in to him and that of everyone else's in the class. He just sat looking wide eyed and feeling like he couldn't breathe.

"Okay, that's okay" Dean eventually said much to Castiel's relief. "It's probably guess work at this point anyway. Anyone else?"

Castiel's shoulders sagged with respite and he quickly picked up his pen and hunkered over his notebook.

He was thankful that he managed to get through the rest of the class without Dean addressing him.

"Okay, here's the deal. It's your first week back and you're probably still getting into the swing of things. You don't want to do homework and I don't really want to mark it, so, I'll let you off the hook for now."

There was a collective cheer from the students; except for Castiel who was still trying hard to remain calm.

The bell rang and the students all started to file out of the room.

Castiel got up to put his supplies neatly in his bag when Dean approached him.

"Hey, Castiel, right? They sent me all your names and pictures before I started."

"Y-yes, that's me, s-sir." Castiel was surprised he managed to co-ordinate his words; sort of.

"Please, it's Dean. I just wanted to say sorry for picking on you earlier. I'm close with Mr Singer and he said you were his star pupil; I just thought you might be able to get the ball rolling. Anyway, again, I'm sorry."

"Th-that's okay" Castiel said as he slung on his backpack. "I-it's not your fault. I just...um…I suffer from anxiety - which I am taking medication for - but sometimes when something that I'm not prepared for comes at me it really throws me and my mind kind of just shuts down."

"Okay" Dean nodded. "In that case I want you to tell me if I do something that makes you uncomfortable or if you need a little more help or time with things."

"Oh, a-alright. Thank you" Castiel said with a shaky smile.

"Good. You better get to your next class."

Castiel nodded and quickly scampered away.

He couldn't even begin to imagine what it was, but there was just something about Dean that made him seem...scary.

* * *

During their lunch break Castiel went to the cafeteria and found Charlie trying to put a slice of pizza into her mouth without tearing her eyes away from her laptop screen.

"A little to the left" he said as he shrugged off his backpack and sat down.

"Oh, thanks" Charlie said with her mouth now full.

"Have you had Mr Winchester yet for history?" Castiel asked.

"No, not until Wednesday" Charlie replied as she closed her laptop lid to give Castiel her full attention. "I've been in IT all morning though and I'm already miles ahead. Mr Devereaux is cool but kinda...paranoid? He thinks someone is tracking all the computers in the lab. Anyway, what's Mr Winchester like?"

"He insists on being called Dean" Castiel replied. "And he...frightens me a little."

"How come?" Charlie asked with a frown.

"That's the problem; I don't really know! He wants us to call him by his first name, he was dressed casually, and he talked like we were peers. He didn't even give us homework."

"Wow, Cas, he sounds like a real monster" Charlie said teasingly as she popped a fry in her mouth.

Castiel sighed. "I know it's probably just me being anxious about nothing but...he just made me feel uneasy. Why do I have to be so stupid?"

"Hey, you're not stupid" Charlie said seriously as she put a comforting hand on her friend's knee. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to sound like I was making fun of you. If you don't like this guy there has to be a reason; at least something _creepy_ about him."

"Well...he does seem to know a lot about the occult" Castiel said uncertainly. "But I don't think that's the problem."

"Yeah I know all about that stuff just from watching _Buffy_ " Charlie said. "It doesn't have to mean anything."

"Right" Castiel agreed.

"Well if you hate him then I hate him" Charlie said with a firm nod. "That's what friends are for. You want me to hack into his computer and put a virus on it?"

"Charlie, you don't have to-"

"Is he attractive?"

W-what?" Castiel stammered.

"Dean? Could he make you go weak at the knees?"

Castiel opened his mouth to respond but no words came out, only non-committal sounds. He could feel his cheeks burning and he shuffled awkwardly in his seat.

"Well that explains it then" Charlie said with a grin as she bumped her fist against Castiel's shoulder. "You've got a crush, dude!"

"I have not!" Castiel exclaimed with more force than he meant to. "I-I mean, yes he's good looking, a-and smart, a-and understanding..." His mind started to drift as he thought about Dean smiling and he had to shake his head to refocus. "Anyway, h-how would a crush explain fear?"

"Well he _is_ your teacher. Maybe you're afraid he can tell? Maybe you feel guilty? If that's the case, don't. _Everyone_ has had a crush on their teacher. You know Miss Baum from English Lit? What I wouldn't give to...you know what? Not important right now."

"I don't know" Castiel mumbled as he picked at the crease in his trousers. "I hate being anxious. I-I wish I could control it."

"Hey, you'll find a way" Charlie said as she shuffled around to pull Castiel into a hug. "And you'll find a way to deal with Dean. You're strong, Cas. Don't forget that."

Castiel smiled gratefully as he hugged Charlie in return.

"Thanks, Assbutt."

"No problem, bitch."

* * *

Unfortunately things with Dean didn't really change for Castiel.

Despite Dean's laid-back approach and his incapacity to raise his voice Castiel still felt on edge around him. Charlie was right - he did have a crush - but he was only fifteen and Dean cared about his job and his credibility. However, maybe his easiness was just the calm before the storm and Castiel was waiting for him to explode.

Consequently, Castiel barely raised his hand in class to answer questions and he certainly didn't ask for help (not that he really needed it.) He always made sure to have his head bowed, making notes.

On times when his anxiety did flare up and he needed extra time for homework Dean was always accommodating and gave Castiel an extension, but the guilt from even asking made Castiel want to avoid him more.

When it came to the end of their first semester Dean was explaining the project they would have to do on a goddess of their choice from any time period.

"I want to know about what her position was and her powers. Rituals and sacrifices. Most Importantly I want to know about the people who worshipped her and the impacts she had on their lives and times. You will have two weeks to research and prepare but the projects themselves will be completed in class. I will be e-mailing out individuals appointments with you over the next week to discuss your ideas."

Castiel felt like he'd stopped breathing. He'd have to have a lengthy discussion with Dean one on one? He didn't know if he could handle that.

"Cas?"

The teen looked with a sharp exhale to find Dean stood in front of him looking concerned whilst the rest of the students left.

"Are you alright?"

Castiel ran from the room before he could completely freeze.

* * *

That night Castiel went home to his room and started researching for his project.

He was about to go to bed when Michael knocked on his door.

"Hey, what are you up to?"

"Reading about the goddess I've chosen for my history project" Castiel said a little miserably. "Kali; she's a Hindu goddess. I asked Gabriel for his opinion but he just said she was hot."

"As insightful as usual then" Michael said despairingly as he sat on the bed. "Listen, your history teacher actually called earlier."

"What?" Castiel asked with wide eyes as he got up to sit next to his brother.

"He said he was worried about you. About how quiet you are and he's concerned that if you wanted help you wouldn't say."

"Well maybe I'm just smart enough to do it without him!" Castiel retaliated.

"I don't think he meant it like that" Michael said. "You told him about your anxiety?"

"Of course" Castiel said. "And I thought he understood...until he called you without telling me first."

"He knows how Important this grade is to you and he just wants to make sure you're getting enough support. I know with dad not being around anymore...you know Luci and Gabriel can be a handful and sometimes I worry I'm ignoring you-"

"This isn't your fault, Michael" Castiel sighed as he rested his head on his brother's shoulder. "You take good care of us. Dean is just like another trigger for me and I don't know why. That's why it's called a generalised anxiety disorder I suppose, but I'm coping. If I wasn't I promise I'd tell you."

"Okay" Michael said with a small satisfied smile. "Anyway, he said something about not having to go to an appointment and you can just e-mail your ideas instead."

"Oh, good. That's good" Castiel said with a relieved sigh.

"Get to bed now" Michael said, pressing a kiss to the side of his brother's head before getting up to leave.

"Michael, I'm fifteen" Castiel groaned.

"And I'm twenty...something. So deal with it. Now, I probably have to go and scrape Gabriel off the ceiling again because he got into the candy jar."

Castiel laughed for the first time that day which seemed to make Michael happy before he shut the door behind him.

Castiel made sure to e-mail his ideas to Dean before switching off his laptop.

Typing a quick message to him had been so easy. He just really wished face-to-face interactions could be the same.

* * *

Castiel had barely slept the previous night. It was the day of the in-class part of their project and he was panicking.

He has been panicking so much in fact that by the time he realised their time was up he hadn't even managed to complete his project; the anxiety and stress just wouldn't allow him to concentrate.

Dean was usually lenient with him, but Castiel felt guilty at the prospect of having more time. However he knew that if he wanted a good grade then it needed to be done.

He waited for all the other students to line up and hand over their project before approaching Dean's desk by himself.

The lack of sleep meant his vision was already bleary, and he was trembling like a leaf as he stood there with a piece of paper shaking in his hands.

 _Just tell him you need until the end of the day! That's it!_

"Cas?" Dean asked with his usual undertone of concern.

The last thing Castiel had wanted to do was allow his anxiety to consume so much that he burst into tears, but that was exactly what happened.

"Cas, hey" Dean said softly as he got up leaned across the desk to place a soothing hand on the teen's shoulder. "What's the matter? C'mon, you can talk to me."

"I'm scared of you!" Castiel blurted out.

Dean frowned with even more worry as he led Castiel to sit back at his desk. Dean then went to fetch some water and tissues for Castiel before bobbing down on the other side of the table.

"It's okay, take your time" Dean urged.

Castiel grabbed one of the tissues to wipe his face and it took a good five minutes before his sobs to be reduced to sniffles and he was able to talk again.

"I-I'm s-sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about" Dean assured him. "Cas, I became a teacher because I wanted to help young people expand their knowledge, but also to let them know they that could have someone to come to, not just about history but about anything because I didn't have someone like that when I was your age. So, I know that my style is different but...if I've done something to scare you, then I need to know, because that isn't right."

"Y-you haven't done anything" Castiel whimpered. "I-it's just me. I-I'm not always sure what my triggers are...and y-your so understanding when my other teachers don't take notice...I-I guess I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to feel about you, a-and that intimidates me. I-I mean, I don't want to transfer class or anything..."

"Okay" Dean said nodding slowly. "Well I understand that you might need more time, which I'm assuming is what you wanted to ask me about?"

Castiel nodded meekly.

"Well that's fine. Cas, I don't want you to feel pressured to ask for help, but I also don't want you to feel bad about it either. It can be had to ask for support when you're expected to be 'the smart one'. Lucky for me that was expected to be my younger brother."

"B-but you're really smart" Castiel said firmly.

"Thanks" Dean said with an amused smirk. "The point is that you have a mental health issue that needs to be taken as seriously as anyone with a physical health problem, and I will do whatever to make sure you feel safe and comfortable in this class. Even if it means not talking to me."

"I-I do want to talk to you" Castiel said. "In fact now that I have I...I don't think I'm as scared anymore."

"That's awesome" Dean said genuinely. "I want you to be in control of our discussion times though, okay? I won't spring anything on you."

"Okay" Castiel said with a grateful smile. "Thank you, Dean. F-for being open with me."

"That's okay" Dean said as he stood up straight again. "Now, go get lunch and play Pokémon or whatever it is you kids do these days."

Castiel laughed. He was certainly more at ease.

* * *

It took some time but Castiel could eventually talk to Dean without having some kind of nervous break. He wondered why he was ever so worried. Dean was his favourite teacher and someone he could go to when Michael was busy.

They could joke about it now, and that made Castiel proud because it meant he was gaining control of his disorder and he wouldn't let it rule his life anymore.

Now whenever he spoke to Dean, the teacher would always ask teasingly:

"Oh, you're talking to me? I thought I was so terrifying!"

But Castiel could always find a reply.

"No more than those bright plaid shirts you keep wearing."

And he got away with it every time.


End file.
